It has been a while. Only because nothing of import has happened (in my personal life, though the world has been happening non-stop). I’ve written words and read books and continue to slog through the summer heat with everyone else. I’ve been nowhere. I nearly boiled myself alive in the cabin a couple weeks ago, and despite that, I still enjoyed it. Going again today, as it will be rainy and overcast and below 100 degrees F (37.7778 de C).
Along with sweating and reading and writing, I have, of course, been doom scrolling, pulling out my hair, protesting, and spending hours at a time curling inwardly, cravenly cutting myself off from the world until I feel like I can brave it again.
For those of you who don’t know, I live in Oklahoma, the worst state to be a woman. And also, just one of the worst states to live in, generally. Terrible health outcomes, low insured rate, poor access to healthcare, poor representation, poor voting rights. Poor poor poor. Most recently, since the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, it is illegal for a woman to get an abortion, and it looks as if soon it will also be illegal to travel out of state in order to get a safe and legal one.
Dystopian future novelists have plenty of inspiration these days. I know people who are now calling our home state Gilead.
And yet.
And yet.
When you go out, just like no one wears a mask, as if the pandemic isn’t happening, people go about their days smiling, as if we are not descending into a hellscape.
What does one do? Move out of state? Not an option for so many.
“No! Stay and change the system! Vote them out!”
Yes, yes, but remember those voting rights I mentioned earlier? That includes the ability to legally gerrymander, AND local states can change their voting results to whatever they want it to be instead of what the people actually voted for. They know how they failed in 2020 and they are going to make it so that in 2024…
I rile myself up, even if I’m not reading the news.
And yet.
And yet.
I still stubbornly ride my bicycle (on streets not meant for feet or bikes, but only cars) with books, a baguette, and a bouquet of flowers in my basket. Because I like to pretend that I live in a place where that’s actually a thing, and I’m not a weirdo who looks like they are posing for an instagram post.
I’m growing aggressively greener. I’m that annoying person who gives you a judging look if you don’t bring your own travel mug to a cafe but use and throw away a to-go cup. I use a debit card that plants a tree every time you swipe, I offset my carbon emissions by giving to Wren every month. I’m doing these things that don’t feel like much. I am composting, riding my bicycle when I can, trying to reduce waste as much as possible, attempting to grow my own food, (though this summer has been so scorching I lost my blueberries and strawberries. Only my lemon tree, goji-berry shrub and my neglected dragon fruit cactus survive, but none are fruiting.
But the world is still on fire.
What are you doing to stay sane? Reading is both an escape and not. Writing is both an escape and not. Because it’s impossible not to compare the world in the book to the world in which you live.
Friends are essential, but you inevitably end up discussing the disasters of the day.
Most mornings, I meet with my mother for coffee, we chat for a few minutes and then ignore each other and do our own work. It might be the nicest thing.
Seriously. What are you doing to bring yourself joy? I’m looking for (inexpensive/free) ideas to bring more wonder, joy, or beauty into my life.
Any ideas?
2 replies on “This is fine…”
Man I feel for you in Oklahoma. I’m from Australia but spent some of this summer in Nebraska and found the overall feel a little dreadful. Some truly lovely people and countryside but also a huge amount of casually racist people, and people who looked at me like I had two heads for not wanting to eat the food with chemicals that have been banned for decades over here.
I feel even more so now than when I used to live in the States a few years ago, that there is such a huge divide – some of the best people in the world who are leaders of their field are American, but there are just so many (very loud) people who object to change.
It feels like fighting a fire with a small cup of water!
To stay sane I am planning my spring vegetable garden (it’s winter here) and listening to the BBC gardening podcasts instead of the news. I’ve got a spreadsheet where I’ve mapped out the garden beds and trying to figure which plants should companion each other. Highly recommend for an activity which has no definitive end (aside from when you actually plant but even then there’s loads more to do).
There’s a term called ‘regenerative eating’ where you eat not only sustainably, but in a way that gives back to and heals the earth, like planting your own veg and fruit. It’s a nice thought to have in this hellscape we’re currently in.
I love it! ::Googles regenerative eating::
One of my biggest goals for 2022 was to grow my own food, pity it’s been so deadly hot and that I am such a distractable gardener. Next year I hope my crop will turn out more bountiful!